Christmas Shopping

I dreamt last night that I went Christmas shopping. wrapping (invisible) presents tonight is the nightmare.

fun christmas eve party tonight. at a house that i consider home in many ways. it houses people i love, people i know visit there, i'm welcome for dinner, i'm welcome to sleep in a particular room, i take care of a kid who lives there, i admire and look up to parents who live there. i fill up the brita after i pour my water. i've showered there. they love me. it was so fun.

i'm tired. i was serious about the christmas shopping. it wasn't the only shopping i did, but i really thought i'd gotten my mom something and my dad something extra and i did not.... i'd like to make them happy. i hope that i figure out how to do this gracefully.

My integrity's intact, it's just trendier...

I succumbed. I became, in a moment of weakness, part of 'my generation' of twitterers.

I also began watching 'Buffy'. both of these abnormalities were introduced into my sphere by family.

But isn't he cute?




He is. that's all there is to it.

Sleeping Helps

Thought I'd share... I'd been having trouble sleeping, post-concussion and after Nick's death. And I found this online:
http://www.tylenol.com/page.jhtml?id=tylenol/getreadyforbed/getready4bed.inc

It's pretty much genius. an interactive guide to helping you figure out a sleep schedule. I tried it yesterday by
*Going outside when I woke up naturally, enjoying the late morning light
*ate breakfast
*did some errands which had been pressing on me
*I don't drink caffeine
*I looked for a job during the day, not the night
*made a list of stuff to do, to get it off my mind
*ate dinner 2 hrs before bedtime
*Got off the computer at 10:45
*Listened to a book on tape with low light, while knitting
*drank tea with milk, didn't really eat much of a snack. just a mini-musketeer bar
*Was probably lights out at like... 12:30am? that's unusual for me

I feel amazing. I felt amazing when I woke up. And I still feel amazing. So I'm doing the same thing again today!



p.s. I did let the cat sleep in my room, and must admit, she woke up me several times. But it was a worthy sacrifice in order to wake up to her cuddling into my arms so that both of them were around her. *Love*

To My Friends

Friends make you feel less alone and more alive. They know that
sometimes you need them, not just want them. A friend can look at
you and see you're in no condition to drive home, whether you're
sleepy, drunk, or sad, and offer you a place to sleep for the
night. And make you an honored guest, rather than a crasher.

It doesn't need to be a long and involved list. Friendship is not
simple, and for that very reason, its complexity, it is
undefinable objectively. Friendship is defined subjectively, per
each relationship. And even those change over time.

Although there are many people this definition (so loosely writ)
applies to for me, I dedicate this sentiment particularly to Nick Tate.
He made sure I had a safe walk home, or a ride or a place to sleep.
And when I did the same for him, I made omelettes. He sought me
out when I was lurking somewhere feeling depressed and brought
me back; to myself, to the world, to the love felt by friends.
Love goes uncelebrated too often. My friends- you seriously rock.

And so, the sentiment is dedicated to you all. Everyone listed,
and so many more.

Animated guitar-bass-harp

http://animusic.com/

Amazing.... this instrument is something beautiful, out of imaginations galoreee

and this post, inelegant, is mostly to remind myself of it!

And I should -not- be an art teacher because?

There is absolutely no way to capture the beauty and reality of a physical three-dimensional form if drawing from a photograph. You can draw every shadow and crease and yet if you never saw the object in that exact spot, at that time, position, with that lighting, you will fail to accurately represent its true being.

Just a thought

Goatman Hollow

So, once again it is OCTOBER. the most wonderful time of the year.

GOATMAN HOLLOW

is the haunted house I 'haunt' every Friday and Saturday night. I know only 3 people read this, but if each of those 3 brings their roommates, best friends, and significant other to squeeze the hand/butt of through the haunt, you'll totally make it worth my while posting this entry! <3>

http://www.goatmanhollow.com ONLY USING INTERNET EXPLORER

I don't know why. T3kn0L0-g f41L

EDIT: All fixed URL!!!

that'd kill it for me

This evening I realized that if in some forgotten fantasy world, if my favorite band's lead singer (who is viciously attractive and voiced like a god) were to ask me to sleep with him, I'd make him promise he's not an asshole because NOTHING in the world must tarnish that band's music for me.

"Business as Usual"

Whenever you'd ask Nick what's up, his frequent reply "Business as usual," meant nothing was out of place. Nick's a friend of mine who passed away this past Saturday. He was on life support. It was an accident. We love him very much, me and the Tribe. He put together the Tribe, a collection of musicians and other cool people, and kept in touch with them even when they became reclusive, or went on ego-trips, or jetted off to see the world.

And in death he hasn't left us. No one has to tell me that, but it helps to hear it. He's so here with us, every moment, but leaving him behind physically is weird. I have been mentally giving him hugs every day, so I can keep remembering what his hugs feel like.
When Jess fixes up Nick's motorbike, I'm buying it. So I can ride it around like we did that first day he brought it over to show me and let me drive it and then take me around.

"Business as usual" could sound as if nothing changes- but that was never what it meant. I'd like to think it could mean that. And yet, how boring would that be! Business as usual is coming to light now. It means things change and we roll with them. As said in 'the Crow' which nick introduced me to and is the most romantic movie Ever,

"Buildings burn. people die. but real love lasts forever."

Mousey Worth

a Dead mouse had settled into his paper nest amidst lamps, mummified before we found him by opening the box. It's a sort of sweet odor; dead mouse.

R-R-Really

On this day, 5 years ago I was already thinking of you.
For a month I'd been. 5 years counting, true.
Rain days in our southern forest, smoke hued sunlight, one umbrella hun,
these days will always remind me of you, what I wanted to do,
Now they remind that every time we speak
New hate rolls off your lips like honey acid in my ear,
I'd be deaf if I could listen but instead I hear:

"days go by and still I think of you. days when I could have lived my life"
I think of you on days that end, and don't end in any particular way.
I think of you as I share my food, a butter, a bread, a bubble, a seed.
You're in every song and film I've ever seen
And in the cologne of men who read
and in all the eyes of sad strangers, your legs walk away and you're in the dancers,
your laugh scoffs the architecture of other cancers.... "days go by" but I don't feel them leave.

'The Red Violin' ou, le Violon Rouge, o il Violino Rosso

What a glorious tragedy.

Of the magnitude of Amelie, but in a darker direction. Whereas that one was a romance, a comedy, 'le Violon Rouge' c'est un histoire de maladie et mort. With all the charming misery of 'Pan's Labyrinth' and musicality of an orchestral documentary, this is a film not to be missed. Presuming you missed it already, rent it at once. Suspenseful and historically accurate, it is a period piece from the 17th century to the 21st.

"When there is good acting, no one must notice the costumes. When there is bad acting, the costumes get all the glory."

They may as well have acted in the nude.

Gabriel, LE

I named my car. Gabriel[le]
Cars are non-gendered beings. Unless you count their gas tanks, input centres?
Unless you count their ability to penetrate walls upon impact?
Cars get names when they become important, impacts on our lives.
Is that why some people believe children begin life at conception and others believe life begins at birth? Or is that why some people give their child a name as soon as it makes its presence known?
When does something become important to you?
When do you give it a name?
When do you form an attachment?
I've been the main driver of my car for 9 months.

Baby Gaby? <3

Help me choose, please!!!

Please assist me in choosing:

Sparks fyre

Sparks dance

Sparks fly

Kokopellie

Psarkle

Kokopellie Sparks


PLEASE VOTE/comment. I need to pick two of these to use as modeling names for a website. Because it's important that I be unique and memorable, I think its preferable that i keep the 'Sparks'.... or at least, two names that obviously relate to each other. like, kokopellie and kokopellie sparks.

I use the name 'sparks' as something i go by already. that's why I want to keep it.

Deadlocks

I don't have dreadlocks; I have twists.

They appear to be similar. In nature, they certainly are. Stop rolling your damn eyes, I see you.

Anyway, they are twisted pieces of hair which by some miraculous feat of delicious nature are not untwisting. I am not 'locking' my hair (which is a process I am familiar with and can achieve maximum success), which involves making negotiable but rather irretrievable knots in a selected width of hair. Generally these widths do not exceed an inch.

My twists are for the most part ~1/8th of an inch. If I pulled them apart they would look SO CURLY. I wore them at the beach, in the water (the current knocked me over, hehe, unplanned swimming) . My scalp is covered... coated... slathered... in sand. It is a most unpleasant sensation of itching. I do plan to fix it, so keep your 'dirty hippie' and 'smelly artist' comments.

that is all. deadlocks. because hair... is already dead.

Temp Job

"What if death is the temp job and life is the vacation? What will our last thought be, if that's the case?"

Wisdom from the files of George, star of 'Dead Like Me', my current favorite series.

We are all temps.

Grape Couture

Now that's hot.

I saw it while I was looking for jobs.
Edit: BECAUSE I was looking for jobs.
Edit: At Nordstrom.

Repo! The Genetic Clusterfuck

I just viewed the film 'Repo! The Genetic...' I can't bring myself to refer to it as an opera, even though it says it is one. I'm certain, at least fairly certain, that with the cult following the film amassed already it will become 'Rocky Horror' to future generations, to whom Rocky will be as Cher is to Madonna.

get my drift?

I like the graphic novel aesthetic, when used by Sin City. I like the sleek dark aesthetic when used by Dark City, I like the horror and gore of Planet Terror. I like musicals along the lines of Sweeney Todd, where (forgive me all true Sweeney Todd theater devotees) the actors can at least sing.

Sarah Brightman can sing. Paris Hilton can even sing. And that sexy graverobber (Terrance Zdunich) who seems like a frontman for a goth band can sing. But everyone else made me cringe more than once. The costumes were pretty sweet, though.

Hard to Know What to Say

My cat who is 15 years old is in extraordinarily bad shape. He's going to sleep tomorrow, and being put in the ground. My dad is also quite attached to this cat. For now, the cat is resting in his favorite spot with food and water next to his head. I'm frightened to take him to the litter box because of how agitated he gets when he's lifted up. I will do it. Everyone deserves to die with dignity, rather than a rotting mess. This pic is from this past autumn.

Love you Patches.

Non-fiction is Bizarre, More so than any Story

I'm reading 'Devil in the White City'.
It's fantastic. Macabre. Well-written.
It's everything Twilight can't pretend.

A Candy Blog, with Costumes and Poetry

If you're a proponent of a Candy-colored world, you will eat this up: DoeDeere
Whitney, this post's for you!

Gloriously colorful makeup: LimeCrime

And, I could not ignore the reason I located both of these wonders, the woman in the white hair:
Mosh

Harry Potter 6, Review *Spoilers!*

I've seen Harry Potter 6 nearly twice, read the book through, and thus am a bit of an expert on the movie. The reason I saw it *nearly* twice is that there was a fire at the theater I saw it in the first night and we were evacuated. The screen cut off just as the golem-like creatures had dragged Harry underwater (I have issues with their appearance.... when I read it, I pictured undead humans, dripping and gross but not disfigured). It's the most suspenseful part of the movie, if for a moment you suspend disbelief, and faith that Potter will live to make another film. And I had to wait 24 hours to see how it resolves; a film enthusiast's nightmare.

The film's aesthetic retained the wholesome and magical quality of the previous 5 films, and the adherence to the HP story is satisfying if not entire. There are significant chunks missing (Bill and Fleur's wedding, for example... since Bill has been absent completely from the previous movies, there was no need to include him in this one. The death-eater attack is dealt with in a different way) but nothing is missing that changes the plot or would be too compelling to omit.

The hilarity Rowling infused into the 6th book is maintained, and most (if not all) of my favorite funny lines are included. The treatment of Luna Lovegood (temperament, costuming, her overall glow) is absolutely perfect. While certain events are merely alluded to (Lucius Malfoy's imprisonment being one), they perhaps necessitate audience members to be following the story.

I'm going to watch the movies in succession soon, to see if they are followable on their own (analyzed as if I never read the books, if such analysis is possible). I believe that by this point, someone unfamiliar with Harry Potter's saga would be baffled completely by Harry Potter 6. Not that it's confusing in and of itself the way HP5 was, but there are things that you could miss if not listening properly and which are never explained (the Room of Requirement being one).

The onscreen chemistry.... is absolutely to die for. Keeping the same cast for several movies seemed to help them become close, as one expects the characters would, and their interaction is sublime. Sure, they're good actors, but being together so long could only help. I'd like to see them develop Hermione and Ron's relationship well through the next movie(s). They don't really seem 'a couple' by the end. Word is going around that 7 is being shot as two films.... I'm not so sure. I sort of think they'll keep it short as they've done with the others, which would not do the story justice at all.


In summation, GO SEE IT. It's beautiful.

Coloring Books get a Bad Rap

Someday you'll recognize that it isn't settling; it's feeling no need to intensify for the world to see, it's being done with needing some special person to color in between your lines. someday you'll realize that the marker with the color is in your hand, you'll remove all the other hands piling on top of your own, struggling with you over which direction to color, and you'll make your own marks. And you'll realize you didn't draw the lines which are pre-set on the page, they were there, and you don't need to follow them... but they'll be there. You can make a dark enough mark and add on to them, change the way they form you, the way they become the structure of your presentation, but they will always be your basis. These lines are not a part of the page. Yet, to remove them, you'd have to damage the page. So you draw, you add your color, and eventually, everybody else just steps back and looks at the beauty of it. And everybody views it differently than you do. And no one can force your picture to be ugly. Use your creativity. You're holding the marker. It's your life. And you're already different, but not because of the lines or the page itself. You're different because of the force connecting the hand to the marker. Think about it. I can't explain it to you. Because, it's My life. And all of that? Is in My head.

'Encounters at the End of the World'

Werner Herzog likens Antarctica to an alien landscape as well as to a cathedral, through voice-over and music in a 2007 narrative of his experience near the South Pole. He begins by constraining the time and place, saying there are only 4 months of the year that planes can land where his flight landed. He tells us the scenery was not what he'd expected; he was disappointed. (Later, we also see the landscapes postcards generally proclaim) And though he told the agency who funded his film he wouldn't be talking about penguins, an adorable array of penguins (as well as a dissociable penguin researcher) waddle into the film anyway. He characterizes a certain penguin as deranged for deserting its flock and heading inland interminably, in a clear comparison to people who've left their place of origin and moved to Antarctica.

What I found most interesting about this piece as a whole was that the opening credit before the picture faded in was 'a film by Werner Herzog'. This simple line of text reinforces the subjective, the author's narrative, the authority by default and disclaims 'truth' more so than if it were merely to state the title and begin. He produces opinions vocally as well as by holding particularly odd shots much longer than a traditional videographer would.... par example, while underwater, a shot of some twirling creature shaped like a vanilla wafer (oblong, oval) which has light glowing through it, for nearly a full minute. In film, this is generally a horrible decision. The audience loses interest, or begins to analyze the psychoses of the filmmaker.

Another intriguing aspect of his 'artistic eye' or possibly simply his method of operation is that he has little concern for making people uncomfortable. He seems to have an understanding of how humans react to cameras, and an interest in the same. He knows they're more likely to answer questions without regard for their audience. He knows if you stand there long enough filming, people will approach. He watches as subjects move from performing for the camera and hamming it up, to waiting for him to turn it off, to embarrassed, to ever-goofier voguing. This film is less interested in the scientific research of life and geology at the South Pole than in the social science of the people who live there. This is an incredibly interesting angle, since it is not a natural place of habitation for humans. It is artificially colonized by scientists and adventure-seekers.

The visuals are colorful and unexpected (undersea critters that I had never seen and some I'd only heard of) and the score is incredible, composed for the film. His words were audibly pronounced and easy to follow, though accented in a way I'd never heard before. Developing insight into Herzog's mindset was unavoidable, as well as a taste of the impetus people acquire for what adventure lies in store in Antarctica.

Dracula, a Film Review

Dracula

A classic movie, with a beautiful set and the acting talent of none other than Bela Lugosi, made famous solely for his role as The Count. His intimidating stare may seem comical in this day and age, as do the ravings of Renfield, but they begin to gain an eerieness as the movie goes on, and even lend the viewer the same sense they might achieve going through a scripted haunt.

The dialogue is simple and direct, the story is clear and sets up for generations the Hollywood conventions for vampires.

While bearing similarities to the movie of the same title that features Winona Ryder, they are both based directly on the novel.

If you are a lover of vampire culture (for whatever reason) go back and see the classic, the original film version, or, hell.... check out the novel itself.

Occasionally, Love has little to do with how well you got to know a person, and everything to do with all the hope they gave you for the future.

Keep Your Eyes Open

Last night was fun. I spent more of it discussing vampires than I'd expected. I can't reveal details of this conversation, but I can say that a friend of mine is planning to write a pretty cool story about vampires, and you should keep your eyes open.

I also learned of Lamia, who seems to have semi-stolen my name. CHILDREN-EATER. it All makes the sense now.

“Lamia!” he shriek’d; and nothing but the shriek
With its sad echo did the silence break.
“Begone, foul dream!” he cried, gazing again
In the bride’s face, where now no azure vein
Wander’d on fair-spaced temples; no soft bloom
Misted the cheek; no passion to illume
The deep-recessed vision:—-all was blight;
Lamia, no longer fair, there sat a deadly white.

Munsters

So, I just watched the first episode of volume 1 of the Munsters, (1964) and here are my impressions. I found the dialogue cheesy. Uncle Herman and Aunt Lily are preoccupied with appearances. Granted, their worldview is that they are normal and everyone else is more or less 'off'.

Not to say that I didn't like it. I just, didn't like it enough to be obsessed with it. I'm about to watch some of the Addams Family (1964) series. I like them and I know it.

Nearly Haunt Convention time... damn, I can't wait.

Crabs Scream

Apparently crabs make a noise like screaming when they die. You can hear it if you boil hundreds of them at a time.

I was told this by a guy at a party who says his family cooks these crustaceans on a regular basis. Crustacean is a nice word. It implies crust and ocean (the two intrinsic components of the animal) without sounding overly silly. Crustocean.... wouldn't work.

I'm not sure the level of beer* the fellow had attained prior to our conversation, but he was overly serious about the truth of his statement. I asked him if he meant "...bunnies, I know bunnies scream," and he told me, "no, crabs. if you put enough of 'em in a pot at once, you had hear this strange high-pitched noise like screaming."

Then I told him a story about a little girl who got electrocuted (non-fatally) by unplugging a refrigerator. She managed somehow to begin to scream and maintained the same frequency until she was found by her family. He laughed. She didn't die from it. I told him I don't know if she's died since, but we can laugh because at the time the story was told to me, she was fine.

I suppose I keep this blog to remind myself how morbid my day-to-day interactions are.


*My speculation on the level of beer refers not to whether he was accurately depicting his established memories, but to whether he would normally converse about such morbid matters or if he was less opposed to discuss them due to the booze.

Even in College, There is Death

I've no desire to feel nostalgia. I think if I had a get-together with some of the folks I started college with that I would feel nostalgic and could handle it, but my best college friends switched schools or graduated a year ago or are a year younger and slower to finish than I. Or, dropped out entirely before getting very far.

Therefore, looking back on the years seems like a horrible idea to me. All I seem to come up with is 'but there are people I miss...' and then the memories stop flooding back. When I do want to 'feel' as it were, I will think lovingly of:

MM Hall and the "secret" tower-dungeon
Photography class
PSU
Art Attack(s)
wanderings with hippie friends (sunshine, jenn, cory and more)
the baywatch greeting, though it shall live on
losing my favorite sweatshirt... hey wait! that sucks!!!
living in the art building (and haunting it)
painting class
free photoshop (cries)
that weird rabbit sculpture
astronomy class
a golden girl
whistling in the dark. and all the time.
bagel place
the pirate party
Perk, despite whatever flaws
Noodles and potbelly..... ok, i know they're chain restos...
ALL THE BUBBLE TEA and cheese wonton you can afford
laying on the mall and imagining i'm in a fishbowl
poetry-writing
lying out in the rain waiting for the hurricane to wash over me ecstatic and free to help me to see that i had chosen......... pneumonia.
crabapple blossoms tree
lili and ting/the clubhouse year
the house of sun and light
I-goddamn-rene
freshman orientation with those goofballs
women's bball
learning french <3


And you know what? anybody else would be 'oh, i'm crying'. I'm not. Do I even want to go to graduation? Uh.... if I get to meet the basketball team? If I can really tapdance across the stage. If I don't fall asleep while they're calling my name? If I can read my book about pandemics while Someone in the audience inadvertently infects us ALL with swine flu...........

Lemme just.... take out my raincheck calender and pencil you in, dear graduation.... lemme just.

Put off the nostalgia, I just got back in town from SADDwinter.

Local Businesses Worthy of Note

Selfish, I feel a twinge as I write about my favorite businesses, wondering if they will become more crowded and less accessible, wondering if that piece of clothing or antique lamp will be bought by someone else. But really? I’d much rather increase support of these places to ensure they don’t disappear as several others have.

To begin with, places to eat:

Mark’s Kitchen- Located in quaint downtown Takoma Park, this restaurant serves Asian, American, and vegetarian specialties. They also have an incredible variety of smoothies blended before your eyes from fresh fruit. Their “mahn doo” (potstickers) are popular. I personally enjoy the chicken avocado club sandwich. Not all the food is vegetarian, yet whether you crave edamame or beef fried rice, this is a delicious place to feast.

Franklin’s Restaurant, Brewery, and General Store- As evident from the title, this is no ordinary grub-‘n’-go. While your table waits for the kitchen to deliver your ribs or crab-dip, thai chicken satay or roasted muscles, sandwich, pizza, or even salad, (the crab dip is the only thing on this list over $10… it’s $11) you can find kitschy items for children or adults in the general store. There are joke cards, soaps, scarves, wine, plush toys, rubber chickens….. And did I mention that from the upstairs seating you can see the shiny instrument in which they brew their house beers. I highly recommend Anarchy Ale.

Dumm’s Pizza & Subs- Riverdale’s tiny gem is just a few blocks closer to the University than Franklin’s. They serve pizza, sandwiches, apparently gyros, and the best BLT. At Dumm’s corner, which is next door, you can purchase cases of beer, ice cream, and a wide variety of other snacks. There is a genuine small-town feel to the place and tasty food.

Plato’s Diner- Everyone knows Plato’s; what a relief. While I would have said several years ago that they were struggling (and they were) the recent revitalization not only created atmosphere, it also transformed the food from ‘inedible’ to ‘delicious’. I’ve heard rave reviews about the Greek section of the menu (from people who know) and I have enjoyed their pancakes, chicken-fried steak, red hot and blue burgers, and apple pie more times than I can count. With reasonable prices and proximity to the University, Plato’s will remain a favored destination.

Julia’s Empanadas- Empanadas are amazing. This tiny café serves empanadas with six different types of filling if you want something savory. There is always a vegetarian empanada of the day, and it is always delicious. They also serve dessert empanadas filled with fruit and sometimes cream cheese.

Raulins Bakery- I save the best for last. Donuts, cakes, cookies, even a sort of breakfast sandwich (sausage baked into dough). Milk and coffee are available. You can get a half-dozen donuts and a drink for about $6. These donuts are the only donuts I can eat, simply because they are so delicious that all other donuts (yes, even krispy kreme) taste over-fatty and flavorless. The dough at Raulins is flavorful, the icing is distinct (if you buy a maple donut, you will taste maple), and the texture is perfect; soft and doughy on the inside, slightly crispy on the outside. The only issue in finding Raulins is that the sign humbly states “Bakery” and no more. It’s between Pho 88 and the pet store.

That’s a comprehensive list of my favorite restaurants. Look at their websites. Please do patronize them. And if you run into me there, feel free to thank me.

Also worthwhile:

Marathon Deli

Pho 88

Under the Coconut Tree

Fashion Strikes Again

I'm in love with these designs
And reading this book: The Coming Plague
When I'm on the metro and reading it, I giggle to myself any time I see words put together like 'infectious disease.' What no one [but you] knows is that I'm thinking of zombies. Though I well know, zombies are no laughing matter.

Regrets

I wasn't writing enough.

I wish I had this magazine.

It is no longer in publication.

I wrote enough to make up for.

And now I want to take it down.

Je n'écris pas assez.

Je veux cette revue.

Il pas est plus publié.

J'ai écri plus pour compenser.

Et maintenant, je veux l'enlever.

Medusa Belladi

An utter Gorgon, Saturday night.
Unattractive, unsightly, a fright.
Ten snakes counteract every belly shake.
They rattle as I dance.
Bitter snakes eschew romance.
Loath to bite, though they loathe the sight
of the pitiful suitors' prance.


copyright M. E., April 13 2009, all rights reserved

Hey Baby

2: Driving home from Easter dinner today, I was listening to Garbage's #1 hits album.

"Bleed Like Me"

Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
You should see my scars
You should see my scars

Also, when I exited the bathroom, there was something with pills going on. I was reminded of that while listening to the album, though it seems this song (which made me STOP and go 'whoah, I dreamt this song exactly last night') does not mention pills.
This is the pop culture stage, where you become interested in my influences.

We are alone

I guess it's just.... just you and you and me.........
http://www.lastdaysjournal.com/

Comical

In a Handbasket

It isn't strep. She's gonna be ok.

Me, today at the doctors, with my friendly interrogator the nurse

Nurse: Nice, I like your shirt
(I check, I'm wearing a metal band's shirt)
Me: Oh, thanks.
Nurse: Symptoms?
Me: I.. coughed up blood. Not much blood. Not enough to impress me. Maybe enough to impress you?
Nurse: Do you smoke?
Me: Not all metal fans smoke. (haha! its ALSO a pun)
Nurse: Date of your last menstrual period?
Me: Is there any other kind I should be informed of?
Nurse: Any chance you might be pregnant?
Me: Is coughing up blood a symptom of that? brutal.
Nurse: I'm gonna take your blood pressure.
Me: (hold forth the arm with blood in it)
Nurse: I usually use the right arm?
Me: It's prosthetic.
Nurse: Put this on your forefinger
Me: I hope the previous guy didn't have an open wound on his finger like I do... ok.
Nurse: And, put this under your tongue.
Me: Rgmrfksshins...? (Got any more questions?)
Nurse: Step up on the scale.
Me: my boots weigh a whole pound.
Nurse: And one last thing, blow into this as hard as you can. Face the wall.
Me: Wouldn't want my deadly germs hitting you in the face.
Nurse: Blow as hard as you can!
Me: I suppose '400' isn't epic enough? If that had been my temperature, we'd both be in trouble.

"He coughs up blood?"
"Not like he used to...."

Maybe you've guessed, half or more of this is inner monologue.

Uncertainty

as an undefined quality
as a process toward
becoming peacefully

as release sans expectation of containment
deeply resounding the reverberate canyons
of stomach of lungs of fingers quivering

absorption into trust
rejoicing in the untamed
waking to the sleepless

Idea of March

Alright March, what's the big idea?

One of my friends has passed into the beyond which I so nonchalantly resolved to discuss in every post a few weeks ago. I still have cds of hers. One of them was Bella Morte. Beautiful dead. She introduced me to a lot of music and she always had a smile and a hug for me. In fact, she insisted on the hug. What a sweet girl.

Another friend was savagely beaten... this week. I might have talked to him 10 (or less?) minutes before it happened if I'd answered my phone. Who knows, sometimes little things change people's lives. Maybe he would have been unharmed. He's doing fine, from what I know. I've heard from him since and he's recovering quickly.

You see, I'm not blaming myself. Just questioning. I have so many questions. Questions circling my mind like bayonetted vultures. Waiting to run into each other so they can feast on my curiosity.

Who is it who's in danger of curiousity? Cats? Ah. right. cats.

Free Will for Sale?

Interesting conversation about free will last night.

It can be argued that free will does not exist. We are all parts of who we are surrounded by from birth to present. We function in the ways we are shown how to, with preferences we've acquired from watching those close to us.
Do we have personality other than what our friends and family afford us?
Do we pick up pieces based on what we find affinity with? Or based on what we hear most often?

I rarely state my opinion on things like this. I like to 'know' answers, but don't believe in answers. I believe in 'good' and 'wrong' and how they influence us.

So the topic was introduced that perhaps in marriage, free will is put down. Is it?
Couldn't the choice to accept what one brings to a marriage be entirely dictated by free will?
Ideally I would want to be so happy to love and devote to someone the title of married that I would consider it a free choice.

Yet how does one define 'marriage'?

feel free to answer. If you can.
I find myself thinking 'what if my answer depended on the person?'

"You're Full of Hot Air"

"Is this a dream blog?" you're beginning to wonder....

Well, no, but starting at this point I plan to relate all new posts to DEATH in one way or another.

This post is about hell.


I keep dreaming that I'm trying to take a drink of something. Juice, water, even milk. And even if an inch, inch and a half, half the glass disappears.... I feel hot rushes of air on the back of my throat. No relief.

Relief is waking up. Deciding I'll try the gatorade, even though I think it won't work. Relief is cool liquid sugarlectrolyte soothing my mouth and finally the back of my aching throat.

This is what I think hell would be like. Hot air replacing a cool drink.

Rocky Horror Sexy Show

Question: What was I doing last night with my slightly-sick self? (really, I have a cold.... I'm not just referring to the derangement you may or may not yet be aware of)
Answer: Participating in the Rocky Horror Picture Show Shadow-casting! For anyone who does not know (both of my followers do, but hey, I'm a hopeful individual) this is an event in which a cast acts out the movie in front of the movie screen as it plays. They don't do the speaking part, just the visual.

Last night was phenomenal. I saw what I truly consider one of the best casts I've ever seen. Previous ones have been excellent, but this one completely took the cake.I tend to think that any Rocky is only as good as its Frankenfurter.... which vaults this show to 'Phenomenal.' Anyone would think I'm biased. Even I would ask myself 'Am I?', since Frank was played by one of my best friends.
I watched. I was there. I've cringed at bad Franks before. Or at tiny mistakes from good Franks. Last night marks the 15th show I've seen in this theater with this cast, 17th show that I've seen of a live Rocky shadowcast, and he was among the 3 damn BEST Franks, dare I say the best I've seen. He did it with passion, he did it with accuracy, and was consistent with both those qualities throughout the show. Every facial expression matched, and that is difficult, let me tell you.

Question: Now how do we as a theater group make this show even More appealing to audience members?
Answer: We have a preshow... for this particular show, we had two preshows. I danced with a group, and then partner-danced to Peggy Lee's 'Fever' (without all the bass and piano, it's tough to find the correct version due to copyright). My god that was fun. The audience cheering for us and shouting our names really helped me focus on doing it right, and on thinking about what I was doing. It was a really good experience.
The other preshow was to 'Hail to the Geek'. A selection of our cast 'rocked out' to this song on rock band instruments. Really good idea by the producer of the show, in my opinion. The cast has a policy that no one in cast will sing onstage.... ever again (apparently it was painful).... so this sort of poked fun at that rule for some of us. People lip-synching and pretending to play fake instruments..... hilarity at its nerdiest.

I regret to say I have no pictures taken on my own camera, which is quite unusual for me. And quite unfortunate, because I'm able to get rather good photos (with my own camera) of Rocky shows, what with all the practice I've had. Friends handed me their cameras for this show and asked that I take pix for them. Hopefully I will eventually have access to some of those?
Though I massively prefer my own camera. I know how to get around its crap.

I stayed up til 7am. Habits like that will kill ya.

Everyone Needs to Be Heard, You Are Loved

Tonight a close friend reminded me of what a dear friend told me once,
"Mia, regardless of any and all things, you are loved."
He reminded me with things he said, things he did, and I remembered the part of the dream I was supposed to remember.

Thank you.

Personal Time Capsules

I got film developed.... Enjoy a few photos I took in June and August 08



And a few of me, perhaps?




I like how none of these show my face.

Dream a Little Gold-Lettered Dream for You

Well good day loyal followers!

I've dreamt odd things lately. Last night, I dreamt I was sharing the song 'DVNO' with someone, adamantly. Saying over and over again the beginning of the chorus ".....printed in gold." Isn't it funny how listening to a song twice ever can imprint it on your subconscious?

Anyway, this song is AWESOME.

DVNO,....printed in gold, cause details make the girls sweat.

(link is on the dots. also: MARDI GRAS, enjoy)

What's in a Name?

A rose by any other would smell as sweet.....

What about when people malign others', without giving them a chance to defend themselves?
Communication is said to be an art. I disagree.
Say what you need to say, in the gentlest way possible. Ask what you desire to ask in the most straightforward way, and then understand if it takes a while to receive an answer.
There are things I need to tell people, kindly, looking into their eyes.


I'm going to start. Before I die.

||||

"Sit Back, Relax, and Rot Away...... with rottingfleshradio"

http://rottingfleshradio.com/

The horror and haunt industry's podcast. This week's show is Quite entertaining, given that it was Friday the 13th and Valentine's. check it out, this radio broadcast is like NONE you've ever heard before.

Cars

Apparently I wanted this car when I was 17. The Honda Insight.














I *wanted* the Mustang 64 1/2 much more... but knew it wasn't totally practical.

















I really like this one, currently:






And of course, I've always wanted one of these, especially Now!

Crazy Cat-Lady Pride

Tonight I heard a story, told in a diner. Diner stories are in a class all their own. The story begins as such,

"It was probably a good thing we couldn't afford the 6 foot by 6 foot glass fresnel lens. You see, my roommates and I wanted this one. The description said it could burn through asphalt. We were planning to write our names in the pavement with it. Can you IMAGINE what this thing could burn through with the sun shining on it?"


This was my cue.
"You'd have to be careful. If a cat saw the beam of light, it might be like 'oooh, a nice patch of sun,' run over to lay in it, and..... *(insert flammability onomatopoeia here)*"

"You have a 6'x6' glass lens and the first thing she thinks of is a cat."


I am crazy cat lady. It's just true. And I'm proud.

Totally odd dream last night.

I was having trouble with a house i was in. mess or something, new people moving in, relatives coming over. something. and then...

The Cool Part

I went into a 'space station' and this thing was like a
12ft tall nylon tent with a lever in it like for the
plasma cutter (the yellow lever which goes up when not
on, to the side when on, something) and another button
which BLASTS OFF INTO SPACE. I was in it ALONE and
deciding I would blast off because I'd never done it and
it would be fun. I realized, however, that I'd be ALL
ALONE with no experts and the only method of landing was
CRASHING into the ocean. I was extremely frightened of
this because I knew that in just a tent the impact would
kill me.
Of course I'd already set all the levers to blast off but
not the button.... and wasn't sure if I'd saved myself... I had risen a bit above Earth, enough for things to look 'representational' instead of real.
this 'bayou' i crashed down in (chose to crash in, that is) was shaped
like a square-spiral.... goes inward from an outward
point but with sharp edges and four sides.
my Dad was a farmer of the bayou! Haha. He was tilling land
by hand. I crashed into this weird teal blue yet brown
water and am fluttering around trying to get the 'space
station' to come up out of the water with me. I knew
they'd be Mad I stole their science machine and gotten it
wet, no less... I had to dry it out and put it back.
Haha. So as I'm climbing out of the water Dad shouts some
advice which freaks me out. He says 'look out for the pussywillows!'

I immediately think of fanged fish. I jump a bit.

I ask "Which kind [is in the water]?"

He says "One is the kind you trim. Another is the kind I clip. A third are the ones with teeth."

It struck me as a multi-tiered riddle. I thought 'I can answer this.'
I thought of the type I trim might be the bush with the soft flowers people put on their mantlepiece, in vases. The type Dad would clip might be if a cat gets stuck in a tree, a weeping willow tree. The type with teeth is a catfish. So I said,
"But which one is in the water?" Cuz I didn't want to get bitten.

He said, "I think it's the first kind I said."
I was unassured, given that I didn't know if I solved the riddle.......

Notable of the Day

Thank you THANKYOU, Haute Macabre..... currently my favorite website for style.


Also, this gorgeous dress and style

Web Comics -artful and humorous

In the Style of one of 'These Gentlemen'.....

A Softer World
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php
written by: Emily Horne and Joey Comeau

What It's About: A series of over 400 dark-humoured non-sequiturs by a creative duo. Comics are captioned by joey, photographs taken and designed by emily.
Why You Should Read It: Laughability. The interplay between the lucid and lovely photographs and witty captions is utterly unexpected. Several of the strips had me laughing out loud.
Strip Which Reminded Me Most of These Gentlemen:
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=75


Dominic Deegan
http://www.dominic-deegan.com/
Written by: Michael Terracciano

What It's About: A sarcastic Oracle whom through various adventures and disasters finds love and heroism. Fantasy elements run high and the narrative is clear.
Why you Should Read it: Don't be put off by the first chapter; the storyline introduced in the 2nd is amuzing enough to hold even a seasoned comic-reader's interest. The jokes, if somewhat stale for the first few pages, do improve dramatically as the strip goes on.
One of the early ones, yet a good one:
http://www.dominic-deegan.com/view.php?date=2002-06-07

Mon Bon Couteau

I meant to post this weeks ago as part of the 'Art on the Darkside' evil eye challenge. Argh. So much for being on time.

Desires Include

Vintage burlesque camisole
This fucking necklace
A brooch... purple, heartdiamond, roses, or big E orrrrr I could wait.... none of them are The best.
gears: tiny, assorted, in watches,
corset which someone else has reserved already
heart corset
but in black
future girlfriend?
her tights, boots, and corset
Cyberpunk, bidding on


And a song lyric quote for the day "Did you think that I would cryyyy on the phone/ Do you know what it feels liiiiiike to be alone?"
I found a cd one of my highschool best friends made for me, and that song was on there. Memories came back, I rocked out in a parking lot alone.
Alone is perfect for it.

Clavicles, Art and Fashionwise

While searching for these for my current casting project, I ran across a little bit o' this, and a lot more o' that:



Granted they're his '08 line, but I mostly only like his shoes.... I find his color palette atrocious, for the most part. The above skirt from 'city charm' is the grand exception. I find 'city charm' in general to be the most lookable-at collection from 2008. The 2009 stuff, especially 'glowing soiree' I'm going to have to return to, considering I have little time to gaze this morning, and that collection seems to be a vast improvement. Enjoy!


Oh, and I couldn't resist this charming creature!

Garden Path Comedy Planted in a Dead Pan

Comedians

I mentioned the 'garden path' comedy structure in the context of my recent poem. For your enjoyment, some Comedians who employ garden path sentence structure and deadpan humor. My ultimate favorite styles.

Stephen Wright, who's woken up driving
Emo Phillips, who wouldn't kill someone (just to finish a sentence)
Mitch Hedburg, who said 'oh, no, man. I juggle!'

Mitch also conceives of rotisserie as a morbid ferris wheel for chickens (just as i do... sigh. if only it were meant to be. I just don't know where he's buried.) Some other night I shall perhaps post my Spanish song about dead chickens.

Eine Nacht an der Oper

I heard about THIS today, and would love to attend it. The only thing that sounds slightly stupid about it is that the chorus are costumed as ...US historical figures?
If Orfeo ed Euridice were not based on ancient Greek legend, and written by Gluck (an Austrian) with Italian and French influence, and were not an Opera (which is a beautiful thing), I still doubt I would approve. It sounds like a Thanksgiving play at a nursery school. For the designer's sake, I hope it looks something better than one.


Things like that make me questions my -isms. Classic-, Traditional-, Romantic-.....
I always thought I was a romantic.

Suffer Vile Poetry, whilst I write my paper

On a night as cold as
Ice cold feet like blocks of chunks of
Up on a hillside
On a Rockslide
Swerved in to a lot
between white lines
turned off everything except that
one light, 'oh shit, so lost' light
dark enough away up the
train track here?
So near
closer
and wonder if that dog
is barking at me
while i pee

2 days late, For Perspective, I suppose

Personally, I found the arrangement of 'simple gifts' performed at the inauguration ceremony to be quite beautiful. Anyone with taste should watch.

Otherwise, here are my observations on the ceremony.
Understanding that film is far and away more advanced each year it exists, the 'live' footage could be called a documentary of the event. This is evident even in the short clip I've linked to above. It reads like a book. Cameras and seating were set up in advance, film crews were given cues of when to switch to whom, tradition set a precedent for the activities, and doubtless, film crews with experience were called upon. After all, Yo-yo Ma and Aretha Franklin performed. Talk about calling on people with experience. You think they'd hire a substandard film crew for that?
If you've got the skinny on it, do correct/affirm my assumptions.
In an incredible speech, Obama reasserted that we are not to sit idly by; we must join in the repair process of our nation.

That's not all he said, naturally (the link is to 'part one' of the speech). It's just the part that I find to be most important at present and for the future, independent of who is in the oval office. The nation, the people, the democracy we embody must be exemplified by our actions. If we decline our power to improve our condition, we negate a bit of our humanity.

And when we divide into communities of 'Republican' and 'Democrat', we negate the common bonds we all share. I don't want to only be friends with people who think the way I do. Who cares if someone disagrees with me? We may be healthy for each other, to strengthen our rhetorical abilities, to learn, to listen, to treat better and be more loyal to our friends, despite disagreement.
I don't want to undermine anyone. I don't plan to tell someone they're 'wrong' unless they're being cruel. I'm jumping off the soapbox, now, in case anyone wants to help me crowd-surf my way back down to Earth.

Air and Simple Gifts lifted my soul skyward.

I can has followers?

Hoooray! Thanks to June, I figured out how to allow a 'following,' though I'm not sure I deserve one; I needed 3 tries in order to spell 'following.' Not a good sign for a blog-writer....



Be my guest, all the best, Good night, and Good luck.

Clowns, and a half

I just posted... I know. But I figured since no one reads my blog anyway, (except for the kind woman who runs 'Art on the Darkside') I can't possibly piss anyone off, since this post concerns 'Art on the Darkside'. This clown is the headboard for a bed used in a haunted house. I painted it.





I technically designed the room also, but did not, for example, sew the quilt or build the bed platform or create the dolls. You get the idea.


If anyone did read this, the fact that I posted something about fashion, followed by politics, followed by clowns? I'd definitely have no readers remaining. *Chuckle* Maybe it's a good thing no one's looking.

Indivisible

Can you believe it?

Obama's following (literally) in Lincoln's path, a train ride from Philadelphia to DC. Pretty cool way to use history to call attention to any of his differences and yet promote that he aims for tradition and freedom. He's greatly playing-up that he counts on tradition and on the history of the United States, following a president who had an undeniably unique career. Not to say Bush flouted Every single construct, but he did make certain choices which do not correspond with those of prior US presidents. Precedents, if you will.

And Obama can do this! He can emphasize his respect for tradition. He could have even if Bush had done the same, but only if Bush were popular at the moment. I'm going to cite this article by a Republican commentator to propose that Bush is not, at the moment, popular. What Obama has to do presently is reassure the people who are unhappy with Bush. He can please the liberal folks fairly easily. He wants to put more hybrid cars on the road, rebalance tax cuts for workers, promote public health and lower health costs. Honestly?
After reading the section on his campaign website (where many of these items stem from) which discusses issues facing women, I cannot believe for a moment that he has misaligned priorities. On the conservative side of things, he has respect for tradition, a respect for religion, and he thinks Bush is a 'good guy.' He'd like to regulate immigration, actively defeat terrorism and has a 'mission' for ending the war (not an immediate retreat), and actually approves of increasing the military.You'd never expect, perhaps, that Obama agrees with Bush that the decisions Bush was faced with in office were tough ones. He doesn't want to make similar decisions; he's stated that he wants to reform the nation. But he takes the high ground and does not malign the outgoing president.

All of that is repetition of fact. Stuff you may like or dislike regardless of where you see it. So now let me state my opinions, to give you something to actively dislike about my particular blog. I, as a human, am unwilling to assume that President Bush ever intended ill for this nation. I have no qualms making that statement. Being president, you have a lot on your shoulders, and even more than that, you're held responsible for everything that the nation believes you're actually responsible for.
Presidents have power, yes. I do not personally know how much, because I've never been president. Supposedly, they finalize laws that have spent a lot of time already with representatives of the states. They can, when they feel it is emergent, send our military to combat for a particular length of time without the approval of Congress. I dislike this power, but it exists. They appoint people to certain important positions.

What I feel few people recognize is that Those Appointed Are Responsible as well. They represent their character, behavior, and ideals prior to appointment and are relied upon to do so after. Not everyone is consistent, nor moral, nor devoid of corrupt influence. And are they to blame for that? In the sense that they accepted a position requiring moral and personal fortitude, yes they are. In the sense that people sometimes fail when tempted or in a time of personal weakness, no. We all do.

Do you feel that I digress? Blame whoever you want for the past 8 years. But know that even I, who began in 2002 to protest the (then, upcoming) war and who has disagreed with much of the action of the current administration, did my share of listening. I evaluated and interpreted what I heard. I wished good would come of the policies enacted. I bowed my head and recited the pledge of allegiance.

One nation, under whomever is fit to govern, If Only it were as indivisible as my history tells me.

Fashion is Passion

I've got couture floating through the old cranium..

Some delights from Clothing Drop:
I'm using the image of the back of this black skirt, 'cause it highlights what i love about the skirt.... it's made using suspenders and faux-corset lacing.

Teh Corsetry, Via Etsyshops


Doc Martens, with a bevvy of variations on a classic shoe.
My favorite is by Baby Phat:

If Only this engagement weren't in San Francisco, I'd be there in a heartbeat
Speaking of hearts

I love it.

Who couldn't love a little Haute Macabre? I must confess, I borrowed several of these links from it. In my defense, Illuminating my specific interests. And... dare I say it? Could I help it? They're so Hawt. (even I cringe)

Non-Haute-Klepted is Commander Salamander!



For more delicious 'steampunk' duds, check out the threads on Abney Park! (and don't ignore their music, either)

Apparently, Diesel has decided to go an Utterly weird and dark route. And I like it! Check out the video about 'hair', it's.... uh, hilarious!

Digging the bright blue Docs

Dear Dita, Representing the 1940s so beautifully.
I love these styles.

Obsessive American searching for the perfect look, to be continued.