"I ain't even mad cuz..."

My favorite phrase, currently, at least as phrases from the hip-hop and rap world go.... is the title of this post.

"I ain't even mad."

Let's dissect. First of all, you're not mad. But rather than simply being 'not mad', you're not even mad. There's a reason why you could be mad, and yet, you are not. Why not? Because something better exists. And as long as this better thing exists, you have no reason in the world to be even slightly upset.

Does this make sense to you? Perhaps some examples will help.

"This girl said she wasn't interested, and she was so harsh. but I ain't even mad cuz she's not as cute as the girl i'm taking out to dinner next week."

See? No worries there. girl A is easily replaced by girl B, who is also much better.
Or even,

"My girl said she doesn't want to stay the night, but I ain't even mad cuz she just treats me so nice, I know it won't be forever."

"I ain't even mad" indicates a person who is wise enough to recognize value and prioritize desires based on that value. And whom is unfazed by minor inconveniences because they realize the quality of their life is really good and untarnished remains that positive belief.

Hard to Know What to Say

My cat who is 15 years old is in extraordinarily bad shape. He's going to sleep tomorrow, and being put in the ground. My dad is also quite attached to this cat. For now, the cat is resting in his favorite spot with food and water next to his head. I'm frightened to take him to the litter box because of how agitated he gets when he's lifted up. I will do it. Everyone deserves to die with dignity, rather than a rotting mess. This pic is from this past autumn.

Love you Patches.

Free Will for Sale?

Interesting conversation about free will last night.

It can be argued that free will does not exist. We are all parts of who we are surrounded by from birth to present. We function in the ways we are shown how to, with preferences we've acquired from watching those close to us.
Do we have personality other than what our friends and family afford us?
Do we pick up pieces based on what we find affinity with? Or based on what we hear most often?

I rarely state my opinion on things like this. I like to 'know' answers, but don't believe in answers. I believe in 'good' and 'wrong' and how they influence us.

So the topic was introduced that perhaps in marriage, free will is put down. Is it?
Couldn't the choice to accept what one brings to a marriage be entirely dictated by free will?
Ideally I would want to be so happy to love and devote to someone the title of married that I would consider it a free choice.

Yet how does one define 'marriage'?

feel free to answer. If you can.
I find myself thinking 'what if my answer depended on the person?'

"You're Full of Hot Air"

"Is this a dream blog?" you're beginning to wonder....

Well, no, but starting at this point I plan to relate all new posts to DEATH in one way or another.

This post is about hell.


I keep dreaming that I'm trying to take a drink of something. Juice, water, even milk. And even if an inch, inch and a half, half the glass disappears.... I feel hot rushes of air on the back of my throat. No relief.

Relief is waking up. Deciding I'll try the gatorade, even though I think it won't work. Relief is cool liquid sugarlectrolyte soothing my mouth and finally the back of my aching throat.

This is what I think hell would be like. Hot air replacing a cool drink.